Four Principles for Building a Golden Bridge
In my training classes and group coaching programs, I teach a conversational framework for productively addressing resistance in one-on-one conversations called “Building a Golden Bridge.” The inspiration for this exercise comes from William Ury’s excellent advice to let others save face in tough negotiations in Getting Past No. Ury evokes the wisdom of ancient Chinese military strategist Sun Tzu, who counseled, “Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across” (Ury 1993). If you have cornered an adversary into a position from which there is no escape, you should fully expect that they will fight you with all their force, resulting in catastrophic losses on both sides. The wise general provides his opponent a way to escape without losing face—a golden bridge.
In tense negotiations, a golden bridge provides a way to save face by shifting a win/lose proposition to one that offers mutual gains. As Ury explains,
Instead of pushing the other side toward an agreement, you need to do the opposite. You need to draw them in the direction you want them to move. Your job is to build a golden bridge across the chasm. You need to reframe a retreat from their position as an advance toward a better solution. (1993, 109)
In the context of facilitating organizational change, building a golden bridge allows everyone to save face as we look for mutually acceptable options for moving forward. By “everyone,” I do not simply mean the person resisting the change; I also mean you. If we are not open to changing our minds in light of new information or negotiating for a mutually acceptable solution in good faith, we cut off the possibility of building a golden bridge.
When you have acknowledged what is at stake for you about the change and are relaxed enough to be genuinely curious about the other person’s point of view, you are ready to engage in a bridge-building conversation. There are a few key principles to keep in mind.
Principle 1: Motivation is a function of confidence and importance. We are motivated to change only when we believe it is important and are confident we can successfully implement it. If we are unsure if the change is worth our time and energy or if we doubt our ability to be successful, we will find reasons to delay moving forward.
Principle 2: We always have choices. Even if the change is “mandatory,” the person still has a choice whether or not to comply. Resistance is one way people exercise their autonomy. If you try to limit autonomy—especially if you do not have the authority to do so—expect to amplify resistance. By contrast, when we feel at choice in our decision to change, we are much more likely to move forward productively and use our internal resources to work through obstacles we encounter.
Principle 3: All choices have consequences. A fundamental rule of human behavior is that we cannot control other people’s actions. All actions and choices, however, have natural consequences. When someone takes an impassioned stand on a particular issue, they have not always considered the consequences that may accompany their position. In some cases, refusal to comply with an organizational change may result in disciplinary action or termination. It may mean a loss of respect, status, or group membership. We need not frame these consequences as threats; asking what is likely to happen is usually sufficient to reveal the impact of a given choice.
Principle 4: Don’t sell. Let them tell you why they need to change. We are much more likely to change when we have articulated our reasons for change rather than accepting someone else’s. To illustrate this, consider two different sales experiences. In the first scenario, a pushy salesperson inundates you with reasons to buy a particular product and pressures you for the sale. In the second, you select a product with the help of a salesperson who answers your questions without pressuring you one way or another. Most of us would prefer the second scenario. The artful change agent helps people select an appropriate path of their own volition.
